Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
We don't watch enough power rangers
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
