he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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