apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
