What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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