i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i just made my gag reflex go away.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
