jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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