i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize
