I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
