Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
