All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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