I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
