2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
