He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize