You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
