In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i dont even know how to be here
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
