if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
