remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
