How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
