I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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