Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
