and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
