If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
