i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
