sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
