there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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