Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
