guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
no, he came in my armpit
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
