i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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