I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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