i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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