he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
