I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize