420 ftw
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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