I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
