After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
