Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
