I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
be right there i have to get my cape
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
