first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
