I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
