Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
