So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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