Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
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