im drinking this country out of the recession.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
you traded sex for a burrito?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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