There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
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