are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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