My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize