I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
thus making me awesome and them whores
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
