would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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