he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
