I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
