Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
