Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
