Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
