She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
