that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
i've created a new STD.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
