Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
