Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
