i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
