I'm laying in your front yard are you home
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
If I die, sorry about rent.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
