Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
It's just like the Real World with babies
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
