i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Randomize
