playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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