It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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