i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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