You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
