just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
