Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
