Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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