Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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