I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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