"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
