Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
