it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
No stitches, just platelets and will power
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
