I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
