i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
