yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize