Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
