so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
