so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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