I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
