My boss' voice literally gives me gas
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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