Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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