Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
