so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
