Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
