I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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