He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
