so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
