Cold hands, warm shart.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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