and next time when you feel me up, do it right
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize