i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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