Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
