cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
