so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
My vagina is officially offended.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
