i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
