Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
