Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
