Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
