Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
she told me i tasted like america
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
