my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
accomplished twins. life is a go
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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