tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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