3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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