he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
My ATM looks so different sober.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
