ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
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