I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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