I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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