I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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