I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
