You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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