i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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