Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
