ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
