You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
