The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
